Message Sent to Me by a Romantic Partner in February of 2016 (Minimally Edited Solely to Correct a Handful of Minor Grammatical Errors)
1. Okay first of all I want to tell you that I'm not at all upset and I don't view this as a negative conversation for us to have. I also want to say that in no way is this meant to be offensive or demonizing toward you so I ask that you please hear me out and not assume the worst (not that you would--but just in case) about what I'm trying to say.
2. I feel like things have been different since the fight. I know it's absolutely me being hypersensitive cuz you've reassured me a bazillion times, and I understand that cognitively, but the way I feel in my gut doesn't match up with what I know to be true in my head. I definitely feel like I've noticed that we are talking less, that I often have to initiate conversation, and that when we do talk, it isn't at the volume or intensity (response time OR intensity of topic) that we previously have. I could be totally wrong but that's what I feel like I've noticed.
3. That's why I feel the need to reassure myself often that you're just busy and you're not mad or ignoring me. So I know I'm being annoying and therefore often feel the need to apologize and am hyper aware of what I'm saying which I know has been putting you through a lot.
4. That's also why I feel like I'm always putting you on edge with my words or actions and that's not my intention at all (I know this is totally paranoia on this but that's how I feel). I want to remind you that I really cannot help worrying about things and I ask that you be sensitive and patient, which you've been doing a really good job doing. I'm sorry I've been pushing you a LOT recently.
5. If you have any suggestions for how I can deal with these fears in a more healthy way, rather than just asking, I'd appreciate it.
6. And, if you're willing, and you absolutely don't have to, but some things that I know you could do that would help me are just telling me if you're busy/don't want to talk/can't talk for some reason/etc, so I don't jump to conclusions. (I know my jumping to conclusions isn't your fault but this helps me not be so hyper anxious which I know you hate to see me do.) Another thing would be helping me change the subject if I confide in you if I'm nervous. (You may not think this helps, but I feel like it's a good way to walk away from a subject without my feeling like you're leaving cuz you're mad or something.) Another would be not to leave me hanging-- if you have something to say, it's helpful to me if you'd just be like "hey I can't discuss this in depth right now but I want to talk about X, sometime soon. Don't worry about it cus it's nbd." I also really hate when we walk away from problems (like when we refuse to talk to each other or when I get passive aggressive--once again not pointing fingers, just saying that it makes me nervous) without talking about them. I know these are my problems and not your fault or your issue but it would help put me less on edge if I felt reassured and like you understood what I was dealing with (which I know you do but I can't help but be paranoid about).
7. And this is absolutely something we can talk about if you don't like these methods, and of course you don't have to do ANYTHING if you don't want to.
8. And another thing is that I'm sorry I was passive aggressive tonight. I was trying to give you a taste of what it's like for me to go through this and then denied it and that was wrong of me. You didn't deserve that.
9. I'd also like to know what specific behaviors of mine annoy you or make you anxious cuz I know I've often been unfair and unkind and I want to do better. It's been a rough few weeks and you've been amazing for sticking with me through it.
10. I hope none of this was offensive to you and that you don't feel like I'm giving you an ultimatum or jumping to conclusions or bossing you around cuz once again I totally don't want to do that at all. I'm just trying to figure out ways to relax and get better at being your girlfriend. I love you so much and I'm gonna try harder to get better cuz I know I've been failing you a lot. Thank you for listening to me and reading all this. If you don't want to discuss it I understand but I hope you do.
2. I feel like things have been different since the fight. I know it's absolutely me being hypersensitive cuz you've reassured me a bazillion times, and I understand that cognitively, but the way I feel in my gut doesn't match up with what I know to be true in my head. I definitely feel like I've noticed that we are talking less, that I often have to initiate conversation, and that when we do talk, it isn't at the volume or intensity (response time OR intensity of topic) that we previously have. I could be totally wrong but that's what I feel like I've noticed.
3. That's why I feel the need to reassure myself often that you're just busy and you're not mad or ignoring me. So I know I'm being annoying and therefore often feel the need to apologize and am hyper aware of what I'm saying which I know has been putting you through a lot.
4. That's also why I feel like I'm always putting you on edge with my words or actions and that's not my intention at all (I know this is totally paranoia on this but that's how I feel). I want to remind you that I really cannot help worrying about things and I ask that you be sensitive and patient, which you've been doing a really good job doing. I'm sorry I've been pushing you a LOT recently.
5. If you have any suggestions for how I can deal with these fears in a more healthy way, rather than just asking, I'd appreciate it.
6. And, if you're willing, and you absolutely don't have to, but some things that I know you could do that would help me are just telling me if you're busy/don't want to talk/can't talk for some reason/etc, so I don't jump to conclusions. (I know my jumping to conclusions isn't your fault but this helps me not be so hyper anxious which I know you hate to see me do.) Another thing would be helping me change the subject if I confide in you if I'm nervous. (You may not think this helps, but I feel like it's a good way to walk away from a subject without my feeling like you're leaving cuz you're mad or something.) Another would be not to leave me hanging-- if you have something to say, it's helpful to me if you'd just be like "hey I can't discuss this in depth right now but I want to talk about X, sometime soon. Don't worry about it cus it's nbd." I also really hate when we walk away from problems (like when we refuse to talk to each other or when I get passive aggressive--once again not pointing fingers, just saying that it makes me nervous) without talking about them. I know these are my problems and not your fault or your issue but it would help put me less on edge if I felt reassured and like you understood what I was dealing with (which I know you do but I can't help but be paranoid about).
7. And this is absolutely something we can talk about if you don't like these methods, and of course you don't have to do ANYTHING if you don't want to.
8. And another thing is that I'm sorry I was passive aggressive tonight. I was trying to give you a taste of what it's like for me to go through this and then denied it and that was wrong of me. You didn't deserve that.
9. I'd also like to know what specific behaviors of mine annoy you or make you anxious cuz I know I've often been unfair and unkind and I want to do better. It's been a rough few weeks and you've been amazing for sticking with me through it.
10. I hope none of this was offensive to you and that you don't feel like I'm giving you an ultimatum or jumping to conclusions or bossing you around cuz once again I totally don't want to do that at all. I'm just trying to figure out ways to relax and get better at being your girlfriend. I love you so much and I'm gonna try harder to get better cuz I know I've been failing you a lot. Thank you for listening to me and reading all this. If you don't want to discuss it I understand but I hope you do.
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