Documented Journal Entries About [REDACTED], Summer 2020

Monday, June 29th: 

[REDACTED] and I matched on Tinder after swiping right on one another. 

Tuesday, June 30th:

We both admittedly found each other eerily familiar. I even mentioned that’s part of the reason I swiped right, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. She then mentioned she saw me running in the neighborhood as she was walking her dog. I asked her for her phone number, and surprisingly enough (consider the vast majority of my past experiences on the Tinder app), she gave it to me immediately. We then began texting for a few days, learning about each other and scheduling a date/time to meet. We settled on Thursday afternoon.

Thursday, July 2nd:

[REDACTED] walked a little over a mile from her house to mine with her German Shepherd mix, Fin. I was outside with my new puppy, Precious, when she arrived. I was pleasantly surprised to see had appeared to be even more tan than her Tinder profile photos indicated; I also instantly noticed she had long, beautiful legs. Together we walked and talked through the neighborhood to Henderson Park. After stopping by the water, we proceeded to walk around the lake until we walked back to my house. As a token of my appreciation (and as a joke, since I can’t chew gum anymore because of the Invisalign treatment), I gave her a pack of my Trident white gum. We then parted ways physically, but we continued texting. 

Saturday, July 4th: 

gave her another pack of gum and a chicken biscuit from chick-fil-A, drove her to Evansdale Elementary School with Precious and talked with her about ambitions and parents, went to Zack’s place that night for 4th with Precious, wore a mask cause of covid-19

Sunday, July 5th: 

drove her to Dunwoody to see Ryan Kelly and his gf and dog and family and played frisbee on the field next to his pool with Precious there too, finally hugged her to say goodbye that night. I couldn’t help but notice she continued to stare at me longingly with the cutest look in her eyes so many times that night. We texted for a long time after that talking about relationships and happiness and attachment and taking risks 

Monday, July 6th: 

we were both having a crappy day so I asked if she wanted to take her mind off of it together. I drove to her house and brought her coffee I made for her (my first time, since I don’t drink coffee) and I brought her some freshly sliced watermelon. We went back to Henderson park and just talked underneath the pavilion since it was raining and left after dark back to her house. She saw me shirtless in person for the first time (aside from when she first saw me running as a stranger). We both then agreed I would come inside and I met her mother and sister for the first time. After playing with the dogs in the living room, she took me up to see her room. We talked a lot and kissed for the first time. I also gave her a necklace I had bought a while ago for another girl I thought was genuine since I had been waiting all that time to put it in the hands of a rightful owner.

Tuesday, July 7th: 

went to her house late in the afternoon and brought her animal crackers since I can’t snack much anymore eating only twice a day, dropped food and textbooks at Nottaway for her sister with her, went back to her house, talked in her bed, played outside with the dogs, she had to go to dinner at her dad’s but was a little over 20 minutes late cause she was enjoying making out with me so much, she opened up about personal insecurities, which I appreciated. 

Wednesday, July 8th: 

I asked if she wanted to go to the pool but she said she was “stressed” and wanted to “get my shit together for a day” so we didn’t hang out that day, value over disturbance, contribution over distraction, I fear she is better for me than I am for her, getting too attached too quickly (as I feared), scared she’ll eventually see me as a loser, just like everyone else does. It also seems like she intentionally avoids working out with me because I intimidate her and probably avoiding walking the dogs with me because I am too much of a distraction. My fears about [REDACTED] being out-of-my-league and me not being sufficient for her are gradually beginning to materialize. I feel as though I don’t have enough to contribute to keep her around. I feel undeserving and unworthy. I feel like I am unhealthy distraction for her, especially since she has the GRE coming up soon and her senior year at UGA. And I feel like she is an unhealthy addiction for me since I haven’t had female interaction in approximately four years, and I have never met a woman this real. I don’t want to distance myself from her, but I almost feel morally obligated to do so and to tell her how I feel: that I am no good for her. I have known her only a week, yet it feels like I’ve known her a lifetime. I haven’t been in a relationship (or anything remotely close to one) with a woman in so long that I feel like I may be getting too attached for the wrong reason, that reason being I simply don’t have another excellent relationship to which to compare this one. I feel clingy, pessimistic, and worthless. I literally am having atrocious insomnia for the first time in months. I haven’t seen her for one day, and it’s simply driving me crazy. Am I really this depressed? Sometimes I wonder how much she’s really into me. I doubt she’s into me as much as I am into her. I feel like a piece of shit with too much baggage for any halfway decent woman to ever truly want me. Me feeling inadequate is eating me up inside, but I’m afraid to tell her the truth or she might see what I see and also think this relationship is no good for the both of us. I’m at a moral standstill. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t sleep. Something is wrong with me. Apparently I need frequent and significant validation from a woman I’ve barely met to even be able to fall asleep in a reasonable amount of time. My life is both miserable and hopeless. What’s the point of living if there is no one in the world right for me? My personal separation anxiety away from this girl might be comparable to that which my 11-week old puppy feels apart from me. I fear the longer she distances herself from me, the more she will lose interest. And consequently, she might find a new romantic companion rather quickly (as she is quite the catch). 

Thursday, July 9th: 

I went to her house in the evening and drove her to Mercer’s satellite campus and we played tennis on the courts. I dropped Precious as she tried to jump out of my arms on the field and she screeched. She was then limping for a while and I was panicking ready to take her to the vet, but Kris reassured me it wasn’t urgent. I took [REDACTED] home and she gave me a talk about putting myself down. We then kissed a few times and I gave her my two handwritten cursive poems and some peanut butter crackers. I then took Precious home cause I was worried about her so I could give her pain medicine with her dinner. 

Friday, July 10th: 

she said she was feeling sick in the morning, yet she claimed it had nothing to do with me. She also said she’d like hang out today, but then she changed her mind. I told her I had written something for her, but she said she didn’t like that I was continually giving her presents. I asked her if she would go outside so I could hand her them, and then I would leave. And since she blatantly ignored my texts, I didn’t bother calling. I drove to her house and waiting outside for a few minutes to see if she’s come. She didn’t. So I just dropped off the two handwritten cursive letters and a large pack of gum and immediately left. She has claimed multiple times that she is not pushing me away and she loves hanging out with me, but it sure doesn’t feel that way. I have a feeling she’s just going to tell me “things aren’t working out between us” (or something to that effect) sometime soon and just cut me off completely. And after all I’ve been through with women over the years, and now thinking I had finally found something real for once, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to recover from a break like that. My life is already so depressing. I just want to slip away and never return, but I keep holding on to the idea that maybe one day a good girl will appreciate me because I’m just a hopeless romantic. I hate my miserable existence and just want to cry, but I am too stubborn to ever pity myself. I’m lost and don’t know what to do, and I have no one with which to talk. All I have is a puppy, and it feels like she is the only creature on this earth that even loves me (and she isn’t human). It’s so pathetic. I’ll probably just end up getting ghosted for the hundredth time and giving up. 

Saturday, July 11th: 

I brought her three handwritten notes but no gifts because she said she didn’t want them. I went to her house late in the afternoon and drove us to Lullwater Park near Emory University (her idea). We talked about a lot of things and she told me about the flaws she didn’t like about her ex. I also agreed I wouldn’t ask her if she was “okay” anymore. She also mentioned she doesn’t like PDA so she wasn’t very affectionate. We ended up spending over three hours walking the trails and we said we should go back again and run there sometime. I drove her back to her house and she allowed me to kiss her a little before she had to go inside and study math for the GRE. 

Sunday, July 12th: 

I drove to her house with Precious around 7:00 PM to pick her up. We drove to the TYSA fields to toss around the frisbee on the soccer fields. We also ran around with Precious and played with her. We joked a lot and said we should’ve brought a soccer ball. Precious scratched us both up a bit. Ironically, the tables have been turning as I reassured her quite a bit in regards to her physical appearance. But I don’t mind doing so because I really do think she is beautiful, even when she is sweaty and claims to be “gross.” I also got bit by an ant and the site flared up very quickly. She also commented on the definition of my abs. After I drove her home, we kissed again (but of course, Precious interfered as usual). I told her not to worry because that wouldn’t happen during move night. I also told her I want her to take photos with me on my birthday in less than two weeks. She told me spending some time with me made her day, which of course made my day. She also said she was glad I thought she still looked great because she looked in the mirror after she returned home and thought she was a hot mess. She also said she plans to start intermittent fasting, which is fine. I just want her to be careful because I care about her health. And I also want her to love herself for who she is, because she is lovely and very physically appealing already. And although I absolutely love her body (and especially her fantastic legs) just the way they are, I told her I will support her no matter what she chooses to do (as long as she is safe). 

Monday, July 13th: 

we didn’t hang out today since [REDACTED] is busy and cramming for the GRE. But that’s okay because it’s very important to her and I’ve been busy today anyway and I’m exhausted. I’ve been trying to reassure her as she prepares for her exam since I know she is obviously stressed. I also left my Gunnar glasses for her to borrow and two handwritten poems I wrote for her in the mailbox at her house to hopefully help lift her spirits and combat her fatigue as she studies for hours on end. I really hope she aces this test so a massive weight is lifted off her shoulders and she feels better. I’ve really begun to care for [REDACTED] as she is so genuine and so lovable. So it bothers me when she isn’t feeling like herself. But I have faith she will do well. She is strong, independent, and tenacious. 

Tuesday, July 14th: 

brought her iced coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts and simply tried to support and reassure her as she prepares to take the GRE tomorrow afternoon. 

Wednesday, July 15th: 

[REDACTED] took the GRE and did well (I never doubted her though). As I expected, a great weight was lifted on her shoulders. She asked to hang out, but changed her mind last-minute again. It’s okay though cause I wasn’t thinking she would want to hang out anyway since she is probably exhausted after taking a long exam and studying so much. I told her more about how much I dislike my family and want to get out of the house. My mother and I were arguing so much today and I was really hoping to get out of the house tonight to see [REDACTED], so I was actually pretty disappointed when she cancelled on such short notice. But it’s fine. It’s not her fault my mom is this way. It’s also my brother’s birthday today. 

Thursday, July 16th: 

I drove to [REDACTED]’s house and brought her a large extreme caramel frappe from chocolate coffee shop on Shallowford rd. We hung out for over five hours. We first ran about a mile from her house to mine. Then we stopped to get her some water and rest. I showed her a photo of me blonde as a young child. Then we continued running from my house after I showed her our backyard. After that, we took a longer route back to her house. When we finished we stretched and worked out in the garage. This was my first “off” day in 30 consecutive days of running and working out, but I ended up pretty tired by the end of it. After her mother left the house to walk the dogs, we kissed and cuddled in her living room for a while before we left to my house to see Precious. She seemed especially into me and affectionate today. Once we arrived at my house we played with Precious in the backyard and played basketball in the front of our house. We then spoke with my younger brother, Vincent, and his girlfriend, Violet, in the kitchen before I took her back home. We kissed some more and she just had that look in her eye like she is developing some strong feelings for me. It was really sweet. She also returned my Gunnar glasses to me. I left her at her house but she seemed attached and didn’t want to separate. Our plans to stay over at her Athens apartment have been postponed for now because of her roommates. But she wants to watch a movie at her house tomorrow and we decided we should go on a road trip and go hiking sometime. It was an all-around wonderful day for us both I think. 

Friday, July 17th: 

I drove over to [REDACTED]’s house in the evening. I brought her three handwritten poems and a decal that reads “you’re beautiful.” I also asked her to read my writing in her head in front of me. She brought me up to her bedroom and we talked for a while about our parents. We eventually booted up her laptop and started talking about movies as we selected something to watch on Netflix. Eventually, we settled on a romantic movie on Netflix called “Her” ([REDACTED]’s decision). She seems to enjoy romantic movies, a lot of which I haven’t seen. But I certainly don’t mind. We paused the movie a lot to talk about our feelings and sexual desires and our exes and cheating and stuff like that. At one point I took off my shirt. She cuddled with me as we watched the movie and was clearly very into me. She even remarked how safe she felt with her head on my chest and me embracing her with my arms. It just felt so natural and comfortable and delightful for both of us. We made out several times and I touched her chest a little as we talked about our more erotic thoughts. At one point she even mounted me. I enjoyed spooning her and making her feel safe. I wanted to emphasize that just because I’m a virgin, it doesn’t mean I’m a prude. So I even grabbed her hand and let her touch my dick for a brief moment to prove my point. I have a feeling our relationship could escalate sexually very soon. We didn’t even make it halfway through the movie before we were yawning from exhaustion. [REDACTED] remarked how she was so tired she could fall asleep right now. So a little after 11:00 PM, she decided I should go. We texted for a while after I drove home about how much we enjoyed each other’s company and about how sexually attracted she knows she is to me now. She also said she loves my body and all those words made me feel very secure in our relationship. We also agreed to go hiking tomorrow morning. 

Saturday, July 18th: 

We both woke up about 7:30 AM and decided to go hiking. I drove to her house a little before 10:00 AM, after arguing with my parents about my puppy as usual. She decided she wanted to go hike a trail along the Chattahoochee. She brought her dog Finn and I brought Precious. After driving about 25 minutes north of Atlanta, we arrived at our destination in Sandy Springs. I swear I recognized much of the trails and the parking lot. I think it’s because I ran with Austin and some guys there in the past. We couldn’t figure out how to pay for a parking pass, so we just took the risk and went anyway. We hiked about 4 miles of hilly terrain with the dogs. There were quite a few people there too. The parking lot was full. The dogs had a great time. Finn swam in the water and Precious rolled around in the dirt, of course. [REDACTED] also brought water for them to drink along the trail. We were even able to let them off their leashes a few times without being bothered by "Karens." When we looped around back to the trail head, we cleaned Finn’s paws and drove back to [REDACTED]’s house. I kissed her goodbye and left back to my house at about 1:00 PM. It was a fantastic day and we determined we were 100% relationship goals since we looked so young, tan, hot, and cute together on the trails. Plus, I took my shirt off about halfway through because it was so hot outside. 

Sunday, July 19th: 

I drove to [REDACTED]’s house at about 7:00 PM and brought her frozen yogurt from Yogurtland. We drove with Precious to the Mercer trail to walk with her for a bit. We talked about our experiences with exes and such and sat down on a bench to talk further. As usual, I took off my shirt because I didn’t want to make it sweaty and disgusting. After that we drove to my parent’s house to drop off Precious. We spoke with my family and Vincent’s girlfriend for a while. Then I drove with [REDACTED] back to her house. We went to her bedroom and spoke for a while about parents and such and played with her dog Ellie. Then we took a while to select a movie. Eventually we settled on a horror movie on Hulu, but the volume was way too low (and we’re both practically deaf). So we chose a different horror movie on Netflix and [REDACTED] enjoyed the yogurt I bought for her. Not even halfway through the movie we were both feeling sexual and paused it. We had cuddled a lot, but decided to take it to the next level. [REDACTED] made out with me a lot. She clearly likes my lips. Eventually she even grabbed my junk, which I was totally fine with. And I started rubbing her breasts and pleasing her nipples to turn her on sexually. I took off my shirt as usual and later [REDACTED] agreed to do the same. She was wearing a sports bra, but still looked so hot like a professional Nike model. She was self-conscious about the size of her breasts, but I reassured her that she is beautiful. I was also self-conscious about the size of my flaccid penis. But fortunately [REDACTED] bit my ear and kissed my neck a lot to get me pretty hard. I confessed to her about my three hydrocele repair surgery attempts as a child. I also talked about my insecurities, and she assured me that it only makes her like me more. I told her that I trust her so much because I’ve never told anyone this information, so I hope I made the right decision. She also had a candle with a spectacular aroma. I also just held her for a while, coddling her to make her feel safe. She seemed to really enjoy that. We ended up mounting each other and showing lots of affection touching one another. It eventually reached midnight so we never finished the movie and she walked me outside to my car and I drove home. It was an incredible night and I don’t regret a second of it. I’m excited to see where this leads. We also talked about sex and how she still wants to have a sleepover at my place sometime. 

Monday, July 20th:

[REDACTED] invited me to walk with her on the Mercer trail with our dogs, but unfortunately I was busy. Instead, she went finally went with her mom and told her about me being the source of such information (scoring me my much needed brownie points). She told me her mom really enjoyed the trail. I then asked [REDACTED] if she wanted to come over tonight and finish the horror movie we started watching yesterday. [REDACTED] said she wanted to come and I told her I wouldn’t be ready until at least 9:00 PM because I was finishing something. She arrived at about 9:15 PM as I was finishing assembling a home exercise bench for sit-ups. I finished at about 9:30 PM and took a shower cause I was pretty sweaty and gross. Meanwhile, [REDACTED] generously entertained Precious for me. After I finished showering, I got dressed in boxers this time (so my junk could breathe). [REDACTED] and I went to the basement without Precious and turned off the lights. [REDACTED] remarked how glad she was about the cool temperature down there. I told her I could make it even cooler using the window a/c unit. So I did just that and then she plugged in her laptop so we could finish the movie on Netflix. We watched the rest of the movie, during which I was making jokes and cuddling [REDACTED]. She looked really cute today and wasn’t wearing a sports bra this time, so I guess we were both thinking the same thing in the back of our minds. After the end of the movie, we chilled for a little bit and talked and [REDACTED] rested her body on mine. It was just a nice moment to reflect and appreciate the good things in life. I also commented about my tendency to journal when I mentioned our first kiss. This prompted [REDACTED] to want to read my journal entries. I was a little reluctant about the idea at first. But after a little persuasion, I just couldn’t resist. [REDACTED] is so sweet and cute and I trust her wholeheartedly at this point. She read through all my entries since we first matched on Tinder. Some were darker than others, and I was afraid how she might react. But she seemed to enjoy getting a glimpse of my personal thoughts. And she told me she liked me just the same after reading them, which of course was a relief for me. But it wasn’t long before the excitement and passion took over. I already had my shirt off and [REDACTED] seemed to have gotten very horny after reading my journal entries. [REDACTED] did the normal things to please me and they were working because I was feeling pretty turned on. I wanted to return the favor to her and turn us both on, so things continued to progress physically. After I asked, [REDACTED] ended up taking off her shirt. I thoroughly enjoyed grasping her nipples with my fingers. Soon after I used my mouth to please her using my tongue and teeth. I’m pretty sure she enjoyed that as I could hear her moan somewhat uncontrollably.

After giving her a lot of kisses on her face, neck, and chest, I gave her a break after a while and allowed her to take the wheel on top. And that’s when things really started to take off. [REDACTED] started doing a number on my face, neck, and torso. I began to get pretty turned on and at this point all I had on was my boxers. [REDACTED] began to grab my dick and could tell I was getting aroused. After she had removed it from my boxers and stroked it quite a bit, I really started to get aroused. At that point, she asked to give me head. I was very pleasantly surprised by the question, as I had never undergone the experience before. I basically just said “fuck it” and put my faith her, saying I didn’t really mind her seeing me fully nude at this point since she had already caught a glimpse of my genitals on multiple occasions at this point. I just tried to throw any feelings of self-consciousness out the window here and just let go. I trust her fully and just wanted to allow her to manipulate my body. And that she did. First, she made a comment about the size of my erect penis, telling me I was “packing.” That really made me feel a lot better about the whole situation. I was then able to relax as I put my back against the wall and just let her go at it. She stroked and pulled and sucked for a good while. I could even hear myself starting to moan and I began to grip different parts of my body and clench my teeth pretty hard just to keep myself under control. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t finish at the time. Eventually I told her to stop because I didn’t want to tire her out and it was also pretty draining for me as I was struggling to inhale properly. I think it was just a very new and extremely enjoyable experience. I then wanted to return the favor to [REDACTED]. I knew she hadn’t shaved recently like I did and I understood the insecurity regarding that. So I didn’t pressure her to remove her underwear. But I did ask if I could remove her bra so I could admire her in all her beauty. She agreed. She then took it a step further and took off her shorts to feel more comfortable. I began to admire her breasts and pleasure her again. When I was finished, we both just lied there with her on top of me and our essentially nude bodies pressed against one another. It was one of the most natural, relaxing, delightful feelings. Speaking of which, as she was giving me head I specifically remarked that I didn’t even know how I would begin to describe the feeling in my writing, that I was “speechless.” Soon I told [REDACTED] it had recently passed midnight when I checked my smartphone and that she should probably head home so we don’t go to sleep too late. Plus, she was tired. We got up from the bed and began to dress ourselves. I admired her and her body both nude and clothed once again. I also reminded her that I am not here to take advantage of her or use her body for sex. I truly do care about her, and wouldn’t have allowed the things I did if I didn’t. She also told me that she was excited because she knows sex with me will be “really good.” Hearing that definitely boosted my confidence and made me feel like I don’t have much to worry about between us. I turned the lights on and walked her upstairs, where I handed her what I think is my last remaining jumbo package of gum (since she asked me for it, I meant to give her some anyway, and I can’t really chew it because of my aligners). I unlocked the front door and walked her outside to her car where we said our goodbyes for now. She drove home and texted me saying that she’d hoped I had a good time. I did and I feel the same way. I’ll never forget that night. 

Wednesday, July 22nd: 

After texting [REDACTED], at about 10:30 AM I decided to run to Evansdale elementary to meet up with her since she was working out there. Once I arrived I stretched until I decided to do some stair training with her. She looked gorgeous in her sports bra and spandex shorts. After running up and down the stairs I continued stretching. And before we left I found [REDACTED]’s AirPods as she had dropped them at some point. Then we ran back to her house and I stretched some more while she worked out in her garage. Once we had finished and I hugged and kissed her goodbye as I started my morning run. I also reminded her I kind of want to go shopping for an outfit for my birthday and that I hope she’ll take some photos with me. 

Later that day around 8:30 PM I arrived at [REDACTED]’s house and we just talked while I browsed fitness equipment online and she worked on her graduate school program applications. She spent quite a bit of time venting to me because she was feeling particularly stressed and like she was disappointing everyone around her. And I was completely okay with that, especially considering one of the primary reasons I asked to see her is because I was tired of the overwhelming tension within my family. At one point she left me in her bedroom alone so she could pick up her younger sister, Amelia, from the Nottaway pool. When she returned we spoke some more and eventually decided to start watching a tv series on Netflix together. We settled on the show “You” about a delusional creep stalking a young, vulnerable woman. We watched the first episode, pausing at times to talk and show one another affection of course. At the conclusion of the first episode [REDACTED] showered me with some kind compliments and showed me some affection. I fondly recall her remarking how she could just fall asleep comfortably on top of me in that moment and wished I could spend the night. I told her she could spend the night with me on Friday (my birthday), if she wanted. We also talked about sex, condoms, birth control, pregnancy, abortion, etc. [REDACTED] also admitted she was also beginning to feel a little concerned that our time together as we know it this summer was quickly coming to an end. Another thing she mentioned is that seeing an unread text message from “Stephen” on her phone has really begun to make her day in many cases. Anyway, after about three hours, at around 11:30 PM, she walked me out to my car and she hugged and kissed me as we said our goodbyes and I drove back home. 

Friday, July 24th: 

I brought [REDACTED] a Starbucks caramel Frappuccino I bought for her at Walmart yesterday. Today is my birthday. I arrived at her house late in the afternoon and I came inside for a little bit. [REDACTED] took me to her room and we decided to sit on the porch outside so Precious could play for a while. There [REDACTED] gave me three gifts: a moisturizing cream, a facial cleanser, and a notebook for journaling. I was very thankful for all three, especially since I hadn’t received any gifts on my birthday as of yet. She had also inscribed a kindhearted note on the first page of the book for me. After reading it, I hugged her and kissed her and showed my gratitude. I specifically told her that was the nicest and most thoughtful gift I had ever received on my birthday. She had also straightened her hair that day and let it down. I was so happy to see that because she looked stunning. We decided to go to Camp Creek. [REDACTED] drove us there with Precious and Ellie and Finn. We spoke a little in the car but [REDACTED] seemed pretty distant and upset. And that only further materialized once we arrived at the park. I tried to speak with her and determine the source of her obvious distress, but she refused to budge. And because I didn’t want to risk her lashing out at me again, I tried not to push her too much. But I was concerned for her because she was clearly ignoring me and appeared very upset with me. I later discovered she was upset because she believed I was in an awful mood when she was trying to cheer me up on my birthday. While we were both distracted we lost track of Ellie. And we spent hours looking for her. We were both very worried and [REDACTED] ultimately called her mother to help us look for her. After many hours and the sun had begin to set we found her in a ditch by the creek. We were ecstatic. At that point, I had trudged threw many spiderwebs, gotten bit by numerous mosquitoes, suffered a bee sting (at the very beginning of our trip), became very dehydrated, and was sweating somewhat profusely even though I wasn’t wearing a shirt. We waited by [REDACTED]’s car for her mom to return with Finn. But after waiting for quite a while, [REDACTED] decided we should just leave and return to her house. We did just that. And once we returned, we spoke in my car for a while before [REDACTED] ultimately told me she wanted me to give her some “space” for two days, which meant I was not to contact her for that period of time. Although disheartened, I agreed and let her go. She walked back inside her house and I drove home on the day of my birthday feeling miserable. I’m not a strong believer in celebrating birthdays, but this one must have been my most disappointing and depressing to date. Fortunately I didn’t suffer too much insomnia that night and I created some posts for Instagram to try to distract myself as much as I could from the pain. 

Saturday, July 25th:

[REDACTED] texted me saying that she felt guilty for the way things happened on my birthday and she didn’t feel that it was fair she left me not knowing how to feel. We texted back and forth quite a bit during the day and decided to meet at her house that evening. She took me up to her bedroom where we kept our distance and spoke for several hours, both maturely explaining our concerns and listening to one another. Eventually we came to a resolution after making some concessions and apologizing to each other. Additionally, we agreed to take measures to improve communication on both fronts moving forward together. I also asked to hug her and afterwards I left to go home. Everything seemed better and much tension appeared to have been relieved. 

Sunday, July 26th:

I drove to [REDACTED]’s house late at night to watch the second episode of “You” with her. I only stayed for about two hours but while I was there I listened to [REDACTED] talk about her back injuries and her family issues for a while. Ironically I also spent time massaging my own back with my massage tool as I was listening. After we finished the episode, we showed some affection to one another but I left around 11:00 PM. However, before I left, [REDACTED] told me more about her crazy ex-boyfriend Chase while we spoke outside her house. I finally kissed her goodbye and drove home. She also asked me if I would be interested in accompanying her on a hike at Stone Mountain Park at 6:30 AM tomorrow. I agreed only after she reluctantly admitted that she wanted me to join her. 

Monday, July 27th:

I decided to go to Stone Mountain Park with [REDACTED] at 6:30 AM. She drove to my house after dropping her mother off at the Atlanta airport. She then drove us to a police station outside of Stone Mountain Park so that we wouldn’t have to pay for parking. I also brought my puppy Precious along because I figured she would enjoy the trip. After leashing her, we stepped out of the car and began hiking a paved path toward the park. Once we arrived we hiked to the top of the mountain and enjoyed the view there for a while before we made our way back down to the base. It was great because the conversation was effortless and we joked a lot about boosting [REDACTED]’s ego, referring to her as a queen philosopher and motivational speaker. She also looked absolutely gorgeous in her athletic wear as usual. She was wearing a neon green tank top and spandex shorts and looked great, of course. I had not been to Stone Mountain in a long time so I remarked at how clear everything looked wearing my prescription glasses and looking at all the sights visible from the mountain. Once we arrived at the base, [REDACTED] stopped to use the restroom and we walked back the same way we came to her car. On our way back it seemed that Precious may have been stung by an insect while [REDACTED] was walking her. As a result, she squealed when I picked her up by touching her belly and she and she was drooling a LOT more than usual, slobbering all over my clothing and [REDACTED]’s car seat. After driving to Starbucks in Northlake, where [REDACTED] ordered a Medium Iced Cloud Caramel Macchiato, she drove us back to my house. I also assured [REDACTED] she had no need to worry because, although I believed Precious was stung, she clearly wasn’t writhing in pain so I didn’t deem it a medical emergency. Plus, I know she is strong and resilient. And I was bringing her to a veterinarian that afternoon for an appointment that afternoon anyway. That evening [REDACTED] asked me if she wanted me to join her in walking her dogs at Camp Creek. Unfortunately, though I really wanted to go, I chose to decline the offer because I was in the middle of an intense workout. Regardless, I still really appreciated the invitation and would’ve loved to have gone. I’m sure we will go another day, especially since our first experience together there was a disaster. That night we texted quite a bit and spoke about our mutual desire to take this relationship to the next level sexually. 

Tuesday, July 28th:

[REDACTED] and I both had very long days, and I was unfortunately busy for most of the day. As a result, I wasn’t available until around 10:00 PM EST. That’s when I came over to [REDACTED]’s house. Yesterday night [REDACTED] had asked me to sleep over there since her mother is away from town in Chicago for four days this week. She walked me upstairs and I gave her a quality back/neck/glute/hip massage, since she has been experiencing mild pain and discomfort recently. She remarked that she, thankfully, felt better after the massage. We decided to watch the third episode of the television series “You” on Netflix. Afterwards, we began making out a lot and getting really affectionate. I had also brought a box of [REDACTED]’s favorite condoms (Trojan Ecstasy Ultra Ribbed Lubricated Latex Condoms), just in case. [REDACTED] proceeded to kiss my chest and ear, and bite my ear. I also did the same for her. I licked and sucked on her nipples and the surrounding area (areola), using my tongue to push points I knew would arouse her. I also did the same thing with my fingers. She returned the favor by giving me head again. I was pretty aroused, so [REDACTED] thought we should give vaginal sex a try. I agreed. But unfortunately I all but lost my erection by the time I reached for the box of condoms. So instead of having sex, [REDACTED] decided I could pleasure her vagina with my finger. It turned out she was actually really wet and seemed to enjoy it a lot. After we finished, we went downstairs to the bathroom to wash our hands and remove our contact lenses as we prepared to sleep. While [REDACTED] completed her skincare routine, I researched erectile dysfunction on my phone. When she returned, she turned off the lights. We cuddled for a while, with me being the ‘big spoon’ for the majority of the time. We also talked about why I might be experiencing some ED, primarily attributing it to my lack of experience and longtime drought when it comes to female sexual interaction. I felt a little guilty and didn’t want [REDACTED] to think I’m not attracted to her sexually. [REDACTED] fell asleep before I did, as we were facing each other holding one another’s arms. I couldn’t fall asleep yet so I just watched her have her occasional hypnic jerks. I was very curious about what she could’ve been dreaming. I eventually fell asleep too. Nothing in my life ever felt more comfortable and natural than sleeping beside [REDACTED]. 

Wednesday, July 29th: (matched exactly one)

I woke up several times in the middle of the night. This sometimes awoke [REDACTED] as well, who was quick to ask me if I was comfortable and hug me. I felt bad for waking up (and consequently waking her up after tossing and turning in my sleep). I assured her I was very comfortable, which was true. I felt extremely happy lying beside her and her mattress is way more comfortable on my back and neck than my own. After waking up intermittently, we both ended up waking up to my alarm at 6:30 AM (which I didn’t realize was still set). So all in all, I slept less than six hours. [REDACTED] thought we should try to get some more sleep. [REDACTED] ended up doing just that, but I unfortunately had trouble falling back asleep. After [REDACTED] slept a couple more hours and I thought about her, she woke up as I started to get fairly erect again. She thought it might be a good time to try to have vaginal sex again. So I removed my underwear. She grabbed hold of my cock and picked up one of the condoms as fast as she could as I removed her clothing. She then proceeded to use her hand to guide me as I inserted my penis into her vaginal opening. I was sitting on top of her as she was lying face up. After it was in there, I continued to push in and pull out in an attempt to please her. More and more I began to realize that her receiving pleasure from me turned me on a LOT. The more I heard her moan, saw her sweat, and heard her exclaim “Oh, my god. That feels so good,” the harder I got. [REDACTED] quickly taught me to slide out more as I continued to push in and out of her. I tried to vary the pace and I used my right arm/shoulder to support myself on her bed frame as I continued to please her. At one point, I unfortunately became more flaccid because I heard a noise that sounded like someone was approaching the door to her bedroom. It turned out to just be one of [REDACTED]’s dogs, Finn, who had been relaxing in the room with us and watching out for [REDACTED]’s safety. Because of that we decided to stop for now. A little later [REDACTED] tried again, this time with her on top. But I just wasn’t quite hard enough at the time. After reflecting in her bed for a little and cuddling a bit, we got up and got dressed. [REDACTED] freshened up in her bathroom and we went downstairs to talk about potential plans for the day. I used the massage chair in her living room. [REDACTED] said that she wanted me to drive her to get her coffee. I gladly obliged. I drove us to Dunkin Donuts and got a sandwich for myself, a coffee for her, and a box of a dozen donuts for my brothers. She seemed to have a lot of fun energy that morning. I dropped her off at her house and drove home. She had mentioned that I could accompany her and her dogs at Camp Creek later, but I told her I may or may not be busy. She asked me late that afternoon if I wanted to join her there at about 5:45 PM. And unfortunately I was busy at the time, so I could not come. At about 9:30 PM when I was finally available, I asked her if she wanted me to visit and give her a massage. But she said she was too tired and planning to go to bed soon. 

Thursday, July 30th:

At first [REDACTED] told me she had a busy today and didn’t want to hang out. But then she changed her mind and figured someone else could pick up her mother from the airport. So she asked if I wanted to spend some time with her. I arrived at her house at about 6:45 PM and drove her to the Target on Northlake Parkway in Tucker, where she shopped for facial cleanser and eye shadow. She also bought a Kombucha drink and I took a sip of it to try it; I thought it tasted disgusting. Afterwards we drove to PetSmart so I could purchase a larger harness for Precious since she has outgrown the one I originally bought for her. We then drove to my house to pick up Precious and took her to the field at Evansdale Elementary School to let her run around and play. She scratched [REDACTED] quite a bit and I vowed that I wouldn’t let that happen again. Fortunately I drained quite a bit of the puppy’s energy by running laps with her around the field. I was also able to do some dips and neutral grip pull ups while we were there. We left after it got dark and I left her house before 9:30 PM. 

Friday, July 31st: 

[REDACTED] originally wanted to hang out but I had a busy day and wasn’t available until later in the evening. And at that point she had changed her mind and decided she was too tired. So we just texted for a while and talked about things before going to bed. She mentioned she wanted to spend time together tomorrow though, and that she wanted to go hiking on Sunday morning instead of Saturday like she had initially wanted to do. 

Saturday, August 1st:

[REDACTED] wanted to hang out around 2:00 PM and spend the rest of the day together. But this time I was busy. I had been driving around for hours visiting potential places to live and wasn’t available until around 7:00 PM. She mentioned she wanted to go to back to lull water by Emory University with me. I called her to confirm that was still what she wanted to do. She agreed she did so I drove to her house with Precious and we drove back to lull water park. We walked around the lake, hiking the trails for a few hours, after struggling for a while to adjust the size of Precious’s new harness. We also took a different route from last time, though some portions of the trails overlapped. We also took a few photos of the lake and I pointed out an egret across the water too. We left back to my car after the sun had already set, after I ran around with Precious on a field playing fetch with sticks for a bit. We drove back to [REDACTED]’s house and we were planning to watch another episode of the Netflix television series. But it turned out [REDACTED] said she was just feeling exhausted after today. I tried to assure her not to feel guilty and we said our goodbyes. She promised me we would watch two episodes the next day, but I know how indecisive she is. So I told her I wouldn’t hold her to that promise. I told her that I mostly just want to watch the show with her because it becomes less engaging for me to watch the longer we wait to watch between episodes, and it also becomes more tempting for me to watch an episode on my own (though I haven’t done so yet). I also told her I love any excuse to cuddle her and make her feel safe/loved, and she agreed. 

Sunday, August 2nd:

I texted [REDACTED] at about 11:00 AM asking her if she had worked out yet, since I had mentioned to her one day prior how we should spend more time together doing activities related to fitness since we are both athletic individuals and she agreed. I was hoping she hadn’t exercised yet on the off chance she wanted to do so together. Fortunately she called me and told me she was just walking from her house getting ready to start a morning run. I asked her if she wanted me to join her and she said yes. We agreed it would be best for her to continue walking to my parent’s house while I put on athletic gear to run. Once she arrived I invited her in to hydrate with some water and so we could both spend some time stretching. After we finished stretching, [REDACTED] told me she wanted me to decide which path we take to run this time because she feels like she usually makes those kinds of choices for us. I told her I know a large variety of running paths of varying distances (including both out and backs and loops). And I specifically mentioned one loop that would amount to a little over three miles that, if necessary, could also be shortened to a less difficult out and back route. She agreed she wanted to run the route so I led the way from the front of my house. We also decided to end the run at her house and she brought her AirPods and carried them in a pocket in her shorts. I led us through the turns but I allowed [REDACTED] to determine the pace because I could tell she was tired and I did not want to exhaust her. Being essentially a lifelong long distance runner, the pace and distance was just like a typical warmup for me. After approximately 20 minutes, I convinced [REDACTED] we should take a break because I knew parts of her body were aching and I didn’t want her to over exert herself. After a few minutes of walking near a hill by my house, we continued running the rest of the way to [REDACTED]’s house for about another 12 minutes. In total we ran about 3.5 miles. I then did some static and dynamic stretching in her garage while she stretched and completed a strength workout. [REDACTED] also brought me a cup of water to drink. I then massaged [REDACTED]’s calves, hamstrings, glutes, hips, back, shoulders, and neck while intermittently stretching her to hopefully relieve some tenderness and minimize some soreness and aching tomorrow morning. [REDACTED]’s sister, Amelia, then arrived with their car. And shortly after their father arrived in his car and we spoke for a little bit. Their father and Amelia then drove away to Buford Hwy to eat and go shopping. [REDACTED] stayed back at her house with me and we went inside. We then talked for a little bit and greeted her dogs before she drove me back to my house and kissed me before dropping me off at the driveway. [REDACTED] mentioned she was going to go to Brookhaven soon to pick up a sports bra and that her father and Amelia would bring her food. And I was glad to hear that because I am a little afraid [REDACTED] is somewhat starving herself and I want her to be healthy, consume essential nutrients, and recover properly (especially from intense cardiovascular sessions like distance runs). She also said she wanted to work a lot on her physical therapy school applications but that she still wanted to see me later tonight and watch more of the show on Netflix that night. I told her I didn’t want her to stress trying to squeeze me into her schedule but that if it worked for her, of course I would enjoy doing that. I ended up going back to her house at around 8:00 PM. We walked up to her bedroom to stretch and massage our muscles with my massage tools. [REDACTED] was also kind enough to give me a massage. To be completely honest, it didn’t do much for me but I really appreciated the thoughtfulness. Additionally, I used one of her slippers to kill a couple cockroaches that found their way into her room. Unfortunately I had to take a phone call involving a real estate transaction for 10-15 minutes. But when I was finished we cuddled together and watched the fourth episode of the first season of Netflix’s show “You.” I was also in a joking mood that night and being very sarcastic when [REDACTED] was talking to me about her life. She chuckled quite a bit though and even cracked some jokes herself. We also talked more about condoms, birth control, pregnancy scares, sexual relations, etc. After we finished watching the episode we cuddled more and enjoyed each other’s company. I specifically remember [REDACTED] remarking that I was a really good guy and she is glad to have met me because she realized she deserved to be treated so kindly and with so much respect. We had some sappy moments and I also got hard more than a few times. We ended up even talking about booking an Airbnb in a remote cabin in North Georgia two weeks from now to get away for a weekend and relax. I looked around the website for short-term rentals and we agreed to look more separately later. I also helped [REDACTED] to select a laptop to purchase and gave her my opinion since I have good amount of knowledge when it comes to technology and computers. [REDACTED] walked me out to my car and kissed and hugged me goodbye before midnight. We were both exhausted and certainly too tired to want to watch another episode of the television series. 

Another thing I recall is mentioning to her that it was our one-month anniversary (since our first date and the first time we laid eyes on each other in person). But I told her I didn’t do anything special for her because she said she didn’t care much for anniversaries the last time I brought up the fact the date was soon approaching. She said not to worry because she didn’t do anything special either.

Tuesday, August 4th:

I drove to [REDACTED]’s house with Precious (and without a shirt and only after a sink shower) before 5:30 PM and we hung out for a little over two hours. She put a towel down in the back seat for Finn. We then drove with our dogs to Camp Creek. We walked for about two hours, taking some routes we hadn’t previously taken. Finn and Precious ran around and got a lot of playtime together. They both ran around in the water in the creek and drank from it, getting pretty dirty. Finn also accidentally pushed Precious at one point. She tumbled down a hill by the creek and squealed, getting sand all over her. Luckily she is tough and didn’t seem injured. They continued to play a lot while I brought over my sarcasm from the last time I saw [REDACTED]. I could tell she enjoyed it though, especially since we texted for a few hours being very sarcastic toward each other until I went to sleep at about 10:00 PM. We had also encountered some other hikers with two dogs. And even though [REDACTED] brought insect repellant, we still ended up getting attacked by waves of mosquitoes by the end of our hike. It was a great time though, and it wasn’t too hot or humid. Plus, most of the forested areas were shaded well. Also, before I left [REDACTED]’s house and drove back to mine she once again promised we would watch two episodes of the Netflix show tomorrow since she planned to re-write an essay tonight. She also implied we could binge-watch the show a lot more while I am recovering from my nose surgery scheduled for Friday, particularly since she plans to be finished with her physical therapy school applications by that time. 

Wednesday, August 5th:

I drove over to [REDACTED]’s house that night about 8:30 PM and left around midnight after watching the fifth and sixth episodes of the Netflix show “You.” I agreed to drive her to Panther Creek tomorrow to go hiking with her. 

Thursday, August 6th:

I ran and worked out in the morning and drove over to [REDACTED]’s parents house at about 2:30 PM. We drove to Panther Creek to hike 8 miles. It was an incredible trip and we were both pretty exhausted afterwards. 

Friday, August 7th:

Surgeons completed the operations on my nose for my deviated septum that morning when I had to arrive at the surgery center at 6:00 AM. I spent the whole day recovering and asked to see [REDACTED] that night. She offered to walk to my house to see me, but I didn’t want to make her do that so I asked my mother to drive me there since I was not permitted to drive the day of the outpatient procedure. 

Saturday, August 8th:

[REDACTED] asked to talk to me after what happened last night, but I told her that I wasn’t in the mood at the moment and still hurting.

Sunday, August 9th: 

I texted her and told her I wasn’t ignoring her and she was free to see me any time but that I was still feeling bad emotionally and physically. She said she was going to come see me that day but she never did. 

Tuesday, August 11th:

I finally gave in and texted [REDACTED] since she hadn’t contacted me in days since my surgery except briefly messing me over Snapchat today. I agreed to meet up with [REDACTED] at Evansdale Elementary School to talk with her. I texted her and told her “I love you” for the first time three hours later that evening. 

Wednesday, August 12th:

[REDACTED] drove to my house around 2:30 PM for us to walk our dogs on the trail at Mercer University’s Atlanta campus. I drove to [REDACTED]’s house that evening to see her again and we watched a 2012 horror movie called Sinister.

Thursday, August 13th:

I woke up that morning after having a dream about [REDACTED]. 

I offered to buy [REDACTED] her coffee mate natural bliss all natural vanilla oat milk creamer on my way home from the surgery center after my follow-up doctor’s appointment since I figured she would forget to pick it up when she went to the recently reopened and remodeled Kroger on Chamblee-Tucker Rd. She was surprised that I even offered to do so, but I didn’t mind doing her a small favor since I care about her and it was only $3.29. I walked in to the store with my face covering and bought it for her and took it to her later that evening at about 8:30 PM when I arrived at her house while it was raining. We sat in her living room for a bit and I pet her dog Ellie. Then we went up to her room and I messaged her neck and back and hips and glutes with my hands and my massage tools. Then I stretched her back and hips and glutes some. After that we watched the seventh episode of “You.” She also told me about her ex-boyfriend Chris and his absent-minded attitude. I also told her about the dream I had of her this morning about us working together at PetSmart. After the episode she wanted me to leave because she was tired.

So I left her house and drove home at around 11:00 PM that night. 

Friday, August 14th:

[REDACTED] wanted to see me but unfortunately I had been bleeding a lot that day and having headaches since the surgery, and by the time I was feeling somewhat better it was already past 9:00 PM and [REDACTED] was preparing to go to sleep. She told me she loved me and missed me though. 

Saturday, August 15th:

Today was the last day I saw her before she left back to the University of Georgia in Athens. She wanted me to come to the car wash and emissions center with her that morning but I feel back asleep that morning because I hadn’t been feeling too well. I arrived at her house at about 6:30 PM and we drove to Walmart to return my resistance band (because it was too small) and to buy [REDACTED] some ice cream. Then we drove back to her house and spoke with her sister, Amelia, in the kitchen for a long time. We talked about their family and Peter and laughed and joked while they ate the non-dairy ice cream. Then [REDACTED] and I went upstairs to her bedroom and watched the eighth episode of the first season of “You.” Unfortunately it was late so we didn’t finish the season and we both have two episodes left to watch and decided we would probably just watch them sometime on our own. We also cuddled some and I got pretty damn hard seeing how happy [REDACTED] was, so she grabbed and stroked my cock some. She also said she wished I had a condom. But it’s okay because she was on her period at the time anyway. After we said our goodbyes a little bit after 10:00 PM that night, I texted her and told her I loved her, and I’d miss her. But I also said I trust what we have and that everything will work out for us, regardless of whether we date long-term. I also thanked her for making this summer incredible and told her that I would try to be there for her when her senior year wasn’t feeling so great. I also mentioned that she is free to reach out to me if/when the stress is overwhelming her. She also told me she loved me and would miss me a lot. She was set to go back to Athens at around noon the following day.