Competitive Spirit

I no longer want to be a participant in our society's never-ending rat race. As much as I am a competitor at heart and I strive to maximize all aspects of my potential, I am so tired of wishing/trying to attract and impress people who don't know and/or don't care about me. I just want to be in a mildly content state in which I feel self-assured and I am surrounded by others who also appreciate me for who I am, regardless of my various failures.

Don't get me wrong. I want to preserve my competitive spirit; I merely want to use that attribute of mine for a different purpose. Rather than worrying so much about pleasing or seeking approval/recognition, I want to compete for myself. Every day I wake up and I chase comparisons, dreams, ghosts, history, perfection, strangers, etc. I pursue things that don't exist, are essentially impossible to attain, or simply shouldn't matter to me. I don't want to do that anymore.

I want to focus my attention solely on making small and gradual improvements. I want to take steps to evolve into a slightly better version of myself each day, without being overly concerned about the judgmental opinions of anyone else. And I want a female partner who understands and respects that. Am I asking for too much? Maybe. But that's what I want.